Things aint what they seem

[Big Ade]

The Mother Superior of a convent was about to take her very first holiday, a pilgrimage to the church of St. Cohen in Mecca. She had prepared for every eventuality, including a prayer mat just in case things took a turn or the worse.

Now convents don’t run themselves so she summoned her second in command, a naïve and eager young nun.

“Now my girl I am off on holiday for two weeks and I want you to look after things whilst I am gone.” The Mother Superior explaind all the usual mundane checks and controls that would need attention and as she draws to a close she looks hard into the eyes of the nun. “There is one last thing, this is a secret that I am entrusting to you and I want your word that you will never ever breathe a word of this to anyone.” The nun gives her oath and the Mother Superior sits down behind her great desk.

“Each Friday night I visit the Abbot at monastery across the valley. I am greeted at the rear door at 7:00pm prompt. I take a meal for us to share and the Abbot provides a bottle of wine from their cellar. After our repast he will bathe and I leave.” The Mother Superior seems satisfied that the little nun understands and things take their course.

Friday night at 7:00pm the monastery’s rear door opens and Abbot is surprised to see a nubile young nun smiling at him holding a basket of food. She explains her presence and they enjoy a meal together. At the end of the meal the Abbot declares that he is ready for his bath, he rises from the table and walks into an adjoining bathroom. He disrobes and gets into a hot bath. After a few moments he calls the nun into the bathroom to scrub his back. She dutifully obliges and as she does so she looks over his shoulder and sees something poking out of the water between the Abbot’s legs.

“What’s that?” She exclaims.

“That my dear is a key.” The Abbot replies. “It is the key to the gates of Heaven.”

“Where are these gates?” She asks

Lifting her habit he points to her minge and says, “You carry it with you.”

The key fits, it fits very well. It fits many times that night and both look forward to their next Friday night meeting.

Time passes as time does and the Mother Superior returns from her holiday to find all is well at the convent and debriefing with the smiling nun she learns that there have been no problems. The Mother Superior hesitates and then asks how did the Friday nights go?
The nun beamed that they were brilliant adding that the Abbot had opened the gates of Heaven for her. Mother Superior was slightly puzzled by this and asked the nun to explain.

“Well, we had our meal and the Abbot went for his bath. He called me in to scrub his back and as I did so I looked over his shoulder and saw the key.”

The Mother Superior was now very suspicious, “ This key, was it like a big sausage with a purple head?”

“Yes it was.” Said the young nun.

“The cunning old b*stard, he told me it was Gabriel’s horn and I have been sucking and blowing it all these years.”