Standing down form Marriage Guidance

[Big Ade]

Over the past years many members have recognised that I have a talent for understanding women and relationships. Many have even sought my advice but now I must stand down. The following replies (names have been changed to protect the members) are outstanding:-

Ernst – Your collection of used French letters from your years as a single man may not be the anniversary present she is expecting. I appreciate how precious these are to you and the immense sacrifice it will be to part with them. Go with your second choice, re-bore and top end tune on the BT1100.

Franz – I know it is embarrassing to ask for these ‘women lubricants’ at the pharmacy but to save your relationship I suggest you overcome this fear and don’t use either the Ralgex or Toothpaste again.

Gunther – Spontaneity is good but giving her a table ender in the kitchen at her mother’s funeral is going some, even for me!

Alex – I think you have been wearing your thong the wrong way, the pouch is supposed to be at the front. Try it like that and see if your eyes stop watering.

Mike – Your wife contacted me about the silent odourless flatulence problem you told me about. She has arranged a hearing test for you and an appointment with a nose specialist.

Angela – I had the same problem last year. My advice is don’t scratch it and if you must then wash your hands afterwards.

Rolf – There is no hope for you.

I like to help if I can but I really cannot solve everybody’s woes. I appreciate the trust you have all placed in me and the many letters of thanks for the constructive advice I have provided. Unfortunately I cannot continue in this role so please let me rest awhile.

Ade